I live in a pretty rural area and I share a driveway. Suddenly I feel as though I am in a 12 step meeting admitting my habit of choice. My husband and I have lived in our home for approx 8 years. Our present neighbor moved in a couple of years after us.
Let me start by sharing that in general I am the kind of person that mostly sees only the good in people. I have adopted that ‘Aquarian’ (no getting around it, I am one) point of view, sometimes to my detriment. I guess you could say my maturity took a little time to develop when it comes to boundaries and the 60’s didn’t help.
Through the years our neighbor has been challenged on many fronts. We have always tried to come along side him, though admittedly, it has been trying at times. Once there was an incident that warranted calling the police. I was very frightened and out of that fear I decided right then and there that I needed an apology from him. I would imagine on some level I knew that would never happen. But my choice enabled me to not have to deal with him and he would continue to be the ‘bad guy’ in my eyes for as long as I want. Uh oh I smell a victim.
At first I was content as a victim after all I am old enough to have had lots of practice. I would never speak to him, stay clear of him and so on. My husband, though extremely protective, felt that some kind of peace had to be made. He has always been my the knight in shinning armor and felt that while he was at work it would be the best way to keep me from harm. I supported him for the sake of our shared driveway and my husbands peace of mind.
At first I felt justified, after all the neighbor has proven to be volatile on more than one occasion. It was interesting I soon found my self keeping an eye on his every move, I felt as though I was on a caper that resembled Lucy and Ethel on an I Love Lucy episode. Whoops, I am showing my age. I felt entitled to be vigilant , it’s my driveway too. His dog even had it in for us. Apparently our side of the driveway was better suited for pooping then his.
This went on for a couple of years. I slowly began to forget about the problems of the past and I certainly know longer cared about what he was up to. Most of the time I couldn’t figure it out any way. And the dog, well I would just clean it up and put it on his side.
Since that experience I had grown in so many ways. I love to learn and as some of you know synchronicity plays an important role in my life. I love following to see where it might lead me. However, one day it happened right when I was minding my own spiritual business. My guidance, out of no were, shared with me that it was time to let the neighbor thing go. Yes, that still small voice can turn up anywhere and at any time…darn it. You see in the end it is really all about keeping our energy clear so our spiritual walk does not get all muddy. I don’t know about you but sometimes my attention is on more lofty things not neighbors and driveways.
I was guided to figure out away to let it go. Honestly, I thought that just not thinking about it would have done the trick. I suppose it is because I thought it was such a small issue, so human really, so why bother? I soon realized in trying to figure out a way to find closure just how hard it was. I began to see that I could not chalk it up to life experience and just move on to more important things. That was one of those moments when one realizes that as spiritual as one thinks they are the little stuff might remain in the way. Time to get out the holistic tools of the trade and do a little ‘me’ work.
The following day my neighbor was up on a ladder working on something and I spoke to him, just a few words, nothing special. When I came inside I just stood there in my kitchen for a moment, you know in the ‘presence’. I realized in no short order that I felt fine. I did not need an apology, I was no longer a victim and wow, life could move forward just as it was designed to.
Spring arrived and slowly it melted into a string of hot summer days. Our family room window faces the shared driveway and I noticed that there were some plants beginning to sprout that had not been there in prior years. As the weeks passed I recognized the flowers, you guessed it they were Giant Sunflowers.
I am not sure if they represented my long-awaited apology or a sign that my guidance was pleased with my ‘me’ work or just beautiful big sunflowers adorning our driveway. It really does not matter, does it? I found closure somewhere in the middle of those couple of years and I needed to honor the fact that I was no longer a victim.
The giant flowers began to heavy with seed. They bowed down from the weight of their futures towards our family room window illustrating to me the beauty of a shared driveway and the simplicity of recognizing those things about ourselves that we may have buried. To me it is rather like a beautiful sweater that you have loved to wear. The softness has always comforted you and since it has brought you such joy you have taken great pride in it. Then one day you notice a pluke (pulled thread). Well you simply cannot wear it without repair. Carefully you pull the thread through to the other side so that it is not noticed and now the sweater can be worn. The pluke will remain there for the life of the sweater like the memory of a lesson learned but the beauty of the beloved sweater remains intact giving pride to the one took the time to repair it.
Playing the victim and expecting people to behave in a certain way are defiantly related issues and participating in those roles can really mess with your energy. In the end I just stopped analyzing and tried not to figure it out. My guidance is always reminding me to ‘get out of my own way’ and in the end I suppose that is just what I did.
I encourage or maybe challenge any of you to ‘get out of your way’ and observe where that may take you. Somewhere in there I discovered that life is not always about the conflict but about the treasures found in the most peculiar places. Listen closely to your guidance whispers to you, then step aside and ‘get out of your way’. You just might stumble upon a sunflower growing along your path, reminding you that life can be as simple as a point of view. It is not what you expect from others that fixes you, it is getting busy on just BEING you.
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